Once I was sitting with a very dear friend having coffee. You will find if you continue following this blog that coffee is life. It is a vital part of my very existence on this earth and no one is safe if I do not have it. So we are sitting in my apartment drinking coffee at, God 7:00 at night or some horseshit hour to have coffee talking about how awful men are and how awful love is. Bitching to each other with tears welling up and anger growing in our voices we fell silent for a few moments. To sip our coffee no doubt we took a breath and that was when she looked up at me, right in the face, and held me inner gaze as she said to me how much she envied my courage (she most likely said something about how I had balls but I can’t recall exactly) and how she looked up to me for not settling for a life that wasn’t making me happy. For taking charge and leap. I stared at her in total shock. I was alone, broken questioning myself every second of every day and wondering if I was totally screwing my son up for moving him out of the house I had shared with his father. I looked at this woman, my dear friend in total awe that she was even able to think this about me. She herself was having a hard road and it was me who gave her hope and restored her faith in herself.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that it isn’t what we feel inside that always counts. What we project to others in our world is just as important and when I came to the very real understanding that my attitude and actions gave someone so dear to me another breath, another surge of energy, another right hook to throw at her awful day, then really what was so awful about me? Did I feel like a failure at life in that moment, no. I did not, because in that moment I realized that I can inspire, maybe not myself but someone else in my world that needed it. That night has stayed with me for three or so years. That very moment that I realized my stories whether they are positive or negative can inspire others. I want to be an inspiration.

 

So I will try very hard to continue to inspire those around me to do things that they think they can’t. To surprise themselves with their own strength. I will also try to inspire myself and find inspiration in others around me.